365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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Stress after Work

July17

Tip # 78

 

Leave Your Spouse Alone 

It’s probably hard for many of us to do, but one of the best things you can do for your spouse is to give him/her some space when getting home each day from work. Most people need a little down-time to unwind from a stressful day. Maybe you both work outside the home. Of course, many people now have a business in their homes, so that brings its own set of stressful situations.

Giving each other a little individual space helps a person unwind and mentally regroup to leave the work day behind. This is especially true if you have young children. It’s wonderful for the kids to run and greet a spouse, but then have the kids try to leave Mommy or Daddy alone for 3, 5, 10 minutes.

Having a tiny amount of time each evening to reorient yourself to the day can can add hours towards a happy marriage.

 (How do you best relieve stress at the end of work when coming home?)

~ Glenda  (gj) 

Deepest Level of Communication

July15

Tip # 76

 

It’s Unfortunate, but Few Know How to Go There  

from Clipart.com

Many people never learn how great one-on-one communication can be because all they talk about is superficial drivel. It takes a lot of heart and guts to bare your soul to others. It requires taking off the facade everyone sees you wearing and becoming real. People can live, then die but never reach the deepest level of personal communication.

When you study communication skills, there are  5 levels of communication.  (Some researchers number the levels in ascending, some descending order, but the meanings are still the same.) 

  • Level 1 – Phatic communion:   Hi, how are you? How are you doing? What’s new? What’s up? Where have you been?  Phatic meets social graces with clichés and small talk but isn’t communicating out of viable interest in another person.
  • Level 2 – Reporting facts:   Provides more information but it’s information easily observed. I left school early. I went for cheesecake with my friend. I ran errands this afternoon. We went to church on Sunday.  I just started a diet. I’m cleaning house today. I need to pick up the dry cleaning.
  • Level 3 – Presents ideas and opinions:   I think the dog is sick. I’d like to redo Pete’s study. I like this new TV series. I’m ready for a vacation.  It shares more of what the person is like, but the person still isn’t risking anything by what is said—it’s just talk.  
  • Level 4 – Sharing feelings and emotions:   Naturally, this is communicating more about the feelings, beliefs, emotions of a person. However, it’s not that hard to converse on this level. People who are close friends usually speak on this level and most married couples do.

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  • Level 5 – Peak communication:   Some people never go here and never will their entire lives. This is communicating about your deepest fears, anxieties, dreams, core beliefs, internal struggles. It takes a lot of risk to share on this level. Most people won’t delve into this level for fear of what others might think. They may be afraid of hearing their own thoughts out loud or fearing someone won’t like them if they tell someone who they really are inside or what/who they’ve been in the past. People who do share on this level also know how to respond to others when sharing. They share back and forth in the communication. They would never drop the subject, change the subject, or ignore the subject.

If you can have one friend in life who you can communicate like this with, count yourself very fortunate—rarely will you have a second whom you can share so deeply with.   

If you and your spouse can share on this deepest level, value the marriage relationship and know that you have something very special. 

(How’s your conversation level with your spouse? Can you talk more easily with close friends than your spouse? You can comment below.)

~ Glenda  (gj)

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Cell Phone Addicts

July8

Tip # 69 

  

Oh, I’m Sorry, Did You Say Something To Me?   

 

from Clipart.com

Really? Do people have to be on cell phones talking, using apps, texting, or whatever so much that people around them have to do antics to get their attention? Is every single caller more important than the marriage partner you are with?  

I may be in the minority, but I’ve always thought it rude when in a restaurant with friends or spouse and one party sits there and carries on conversations on a cell phone–or sits and texts, etc.  

What about the idea that people on cell phones talk louder than they do when in personal company of people or that their eyes glaze over when playing games on the cell phone, and their attention span is zeroed on the cell phone to the neglect of any one around: spouses, children, friends, and the list goes on. Score: cell phone antics–100 / interpersonal communication skills–0. 

It’s just a matter of politeness. But, maybe politeness is completely out of vogue now. Any other opinions on the over use of cell phones (tho’ the people doing it are usually the last to know)? 

Check out the articles below. Looks like a few other people might feel as I do. In the “olden days” people thought it rude when someone was glued to the TV when others were around. Now, I guess people think it’s okay to be glued to a cell phone instead.  

Going out for a fun weekend with your marriage partner? Oh, but the cell phone is along. Now, it’s a threesome or a foursome (if you both have cell phones.) Too bad people have to be jealous of a cell phone, but when it takes attention away from two people who should be having a relationship, well, I guess you’re going to have to be jealous–or both quit being addicted to your cell phones.  

Cell phone addition:    http://nitegator.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/cell-phone-addiction/ 

Tips for Parents Who Can’t Unplug:    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/06/11/earlyshow/living/parenting/main6571520.shtml  

Tech Addicted Parents May Pick Blackberries over Babies:    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/13/tech-addicted-parents-may_n_608943.html 

~ Glenda (gj) 

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Show Some Pride

July2

Tip # 63

 

Pride In Your Marriage Partner 

We all need accolades. We all need to feel good about what we are doing. How often do you receive compliments? If you know how a compliment makes you feel (even though it can be embarrassing sometimes to receive compliments), you must learn to give compliments to your marriage spouse.

Your marriage partner needs respect and a way to do this is to give compliments. If you’re not a person who compliments others easily, you need to learn.

Also, if you are a Melancholy Personality, take into consideration that it’s hard for you to give compliments even when someone deserves it. You want perfection so desperately in all things, that it’s hard to compliment because you see things as maybe not quite perfect yet.

Or, it might be perfect, but you hate to compliment because you feel your spouse will slack off if you compliment. Everyone knows that you are such a perfectionist on so many things that receiving a compliment from you will be especially rewarding. Really look for any way you can to compliment your spouse.

These traits are especially important to know if you are married to a Melancholy. You may have to joke and coerce a compliment out of your spouse to gently teach the person to start complimenting more.

Loosen up. Lighten up. Everything’s not perfect, but usually people are doing their best—so praise your spouse a little–or a lot. It’s a small thing that helps to have a great marriage!

~ Glenda   (gj)

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