365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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When Did You Last Touch?

November14

Tip 198

Feel Your Spouse’s Skin

It’s easy to get so wrapped in your own activities of the day that couples literally never touch each other—except maybe when they bump into each other going down a hallway.

Clipart.com

Make note to touch a couple of times per day—at a minimum. Touches can be hugging; resting a hand on your spouse’s knee, arm, cheek, shoulder; snuggling on a sofa together; touching knee to knee at the dinner table, feeling of your spouse’s hair. . . . Cradle arm and arm when walking.

Some people will definitely say, “But I’m not a touch-er” or “my spouse doesn’t like touching.” I know a lot of people who don’t particularly like being touched. So what? We’re talking husband and wife here. Husbands and wives need to learn to enjoy being touched by their mate. I’m betting that when a few of these non-touching mates were dating, they weren’t standoffish about having their future mate rest a hand on an arm or knee or shoulder.

I’ll never forget when we were walking down a sidewalk a few days after we got married. A stranger walked past us and said, “I bet you’re on your honeymoon.” I was shocked. I remember asking Jack how this total stranger could tell we were on our honeymoon. I thought we were just walking casually down a sidewalk.

People get too busy for touching each other. It appears that sometimes the few seconds for a hug or pat or sitting close takes too much from busy schedules.

Many people have touch as their Love Language. (Read that book if you haven’t.) I’ll admit, my husband is the one who reaches for the hugs in the mornings when we’re standing at the coffee pot waiting for it to finish. I also have to remember that Jack’s Love Language is touching yet mine’s not (mine’s time). Maybe I’m not in the mood for a hug–I want my coffee! Yet, especially knowing that Jack likes touching more than I do, I hug him back, then I have my coffee.

Sometimes I try to remember to hug him first because hugging is especially important to him. Remember? Yes, for us who don’t have touch as a love language, we have to be reminded that touching makes people feel closer. Making physical contact with your spouse should give a feeling of warmth and solidarity and oneness-and it does, if you let it.

Seems strange we have to remind people to touch—it seems like it would be natural, but in our culture lives get so hectic that people have to be reminded to stop and feel the presence of the other person.

~ Glenda (gj)
www.WhatWordsDoYouWear.com
www.GlendaSchoonmaker.com
www.BoogsPuddifer.com

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Perfume Your Hair

September28
  • Tip # 151

Don’t Let Your Perfume Announces Your Entry

Don’t you hate being around people who enter the room ten minutes before they physically arrive? OK, that’s exaggeration, but hopefully you get the point. If people standing a few feet from you, comment about the scent you are wearing, either you are wearing too much or the perfume is too strong and needs to be trashed.  

Perfume is pleasing, fragrant, appealing, and can be sensual.  

Or, . . . if not worn properly, it’s horrible to everyone around. Perfume seems to be one of those things that the perfume wearer is the only person who does not realize he/she is offending everyone within 100 foot radius.  

Go lightly with the scents. You don’t want the scent you are wearing to announce your presence. And, don’t always be locked into the same scents you’ve worn the past 100 years. Scents get dated. Ask younger people about a particular scent and they’ll often react with, “Oh, sure, I’ve smelled that. It always smells like something old people  wear.” You probably don’t want to be labeled like that. I’m old, but I don’t want to be labeled old.  

For something different, on freshly washed hair dab your perfume on the palms of your hands and run them through your mostly dry hair. I’ve heard of putting a little perfume on the intake of your blow dryer and the scent will permeate your hair—but this is something I’ve never tried, so try this at your own peril.  The only “must” on perfumed hair is that it must be freshly washed or else the scent will react with the oils in your hair. Don’t put scent on your brush or comb. The scent lasts longer on your hair, and it’s enjoyable to have someone lean over and unexpectedly get a pleasant whiff from your hair.

Have you ever worn perfume in your hair? What was the reaction?

~ Glenda (gj)

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Love Quotes

September10
  • Tip # 133           

What’s your favorite quote about love?

from Clipart.com

Ponder Some of These        

  • Love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay. Love isn’t love until you give it away.
          ~Oscar Hammerstein
  • Love is not blind – it sees more not less;
    But because it sees more it chooses to see less.
          ~Rabbi Julins Gordon
  • Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
          ~Robert Browning
  • True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen.
          ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld
  •   Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
           ~Rose Franken
  •  Love is being stupid together.
           ~Paul Valery
  •  We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.
           ~John Lennon
  •  Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.
           ~Kahlil Gibran
  •  Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.
           ~Charles Dickens
  •  Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.
           ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld
  •  Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.
           ~David Grayson
  •  Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.
           ~Leo Buscaglia
  •  Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
           ~Oscar Wilde
  •  Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
           ~Oscar Hammerstein II     in Cinderella.
  •  I believe that love cannot be bought except with love.
           ~John Steinbeck
  • Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do . . . but how much love we put in that action.
           ~Mother Teresa
  • Love conquers all things.
           ~Virgil
  •  All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.
           ~Julie Andrews
  • If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the of  greatest of these is love.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         ~ 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13                                                                                  

~ Glenda (gj)        

 

 

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Join a Cause Together

September9
  • Tip # 132 

   

Don’t Simply Talk about Things, Pitch in and Do Something 

It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. ~~Robert F. Kennedy speech in South Africa, carved in stone on his grave in Arlington Cemetery   

 

from Clipart.com

Couples often share the same frustrations, irritations, worries, concerns regarding situations about which they are passionate. Instead of sitting around complaining or ranting about them, do something. Join a cause for which you feel passionate about. Talking does nothing to change events unless you are involved and talking in the right circles. 

Here’s a few ideas that you might consider: 

  • food banks
  • National and State Parks to build trails, do gardening, carpentry, photography
  • State Parks and lakes to clean up after weekends, build ramadas
  • Citizen Corps which links trained citizens with emergency situations
  • Red Cross
  • crisis intervention teams, court advocates, and victim advocates for domestic violence situations
  • Special Olympics
  • greeters and guides for local tourism
  • translators
  • tutoring in public or private schools
  • Literacy Council which helps with reading skills, some everyday life skills, and teaching English as a Second Language
  • delivering Meals on Wheels
  • Habitat for Humanity
  • and the list goes on. 

If you have strong views towards things, try volunteering for political parties or organizations like PETA or environmental groups. 

Helping out on church mission trips or helping with church youth camps is very rewarding. 

The point is, look for things you can do–don’t just talk about them.  

But, these are work, you say? Who says “work,” especially when it benefits those in need, is not fun? 

(Do you and your spouse volunteer for activities or causes? We’d love to hear about them. Leave your comment below.)  

~ Glenda (gj)   

 
 

  • www.WhatWordsDoYouWear.com
  • www.GlendaSchoonmaker.com
  • www.BoogsPuddifer.com 

 

 

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Develop a Playful Attitude

September2
  • Tip # 125

  

I Wouldn’t Say THAT in Public

Create a spirit of fun in your relationship by having a playful attitude. Learn how to tease if you don’t know how. I say “learn” because teasing can hurt another person’s feelings very easily. You can’t tease about any area that your spouse is sensitive. Tease about safe things–but only you can know what you can say in your relationship.

Jack and I tease when we’re alone by saying things completely out of character or the opposite of something the person would do. When alone, we joke in a way that seems almost more like junior high kids would do. We constantly are doing plays on words in our conversations. We’ll talk about having withdrawal and are having shakes because we need a “fix.” We both know that means we need our time of sitting on the beach and staring at the ocean, usually in San Diego.

 
 

from Clipart.com

If Jack is a couple of minutes longer than I thought he was going to be, I’ll sarcastically say, “Well did you have a good time while at the office?” “The Office” is a bar here in our town that we constantly joke about because we both think it’s such a great name for a bar–and it’s somewhere that Jack never goes to.

Neither one of us can stand eggs that are the slightest bit runny or soft. So, a lot of times one of us will fix the eggs, set them on the table and say, “just like you like them sunny-side up with little chick’s still peeping in the middle.”

There’s a uniqueness between all husbands and wives that you have to look for to find those silly areas that are fun but not demeaning and not intimidating.

Loosen up. Lighten up. Don’t always be so serious. However, it’s usually best to keep this behavior for when it’s just the two of you in your own home.

(Do you joke or jest in your marriage? How do you tease each other? You can comment below.)

~ Glenda (gj)

 

 

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Enjoy the Fall Weather

September1
  • Tip # 124

 

Cool Nights and Clear Skies  

Fall has always been one of our favorite seasons. I remember taking a poll years ago when I was state chairman for an  organization. On the poll was the question, “which is your favorite season of the year?” Nearly 3/4 of the respondents said fall.     

 

A tradition that we started after moving to the desert (21 years ago) was to set out the chaise-type lawn chairs when the evenings have turned just a little too cool than is comfortable. For us, that’s usually in October, but for most people that time of the year comes a little earlier.   

from Clipart.com

For us it also means cool nights. Living in the desert is different than anything we’d experienced and for us, we weren’t used to the nights of July and August which don’t cool down.  

We make a thermos of hot tea or hot cocoa and take heavy blankets to our lawn chairs. We set the chairs up in the yard where the sky is uninterrupted except for a few palm fronds. It’s one of the most relaxing things we look forward to doing each year. It’s wonderful for star-gazing, falling asleep, and for conversation. Each evening is usually different.    

Don’t have the time? If we don’t have the time, we skip making the hot drink, and only stay out for 10 minutes. It’s an unbelievably great way to unwind from a busy day.   

   Please leave a comment to tell us what your favorite way of relaxing is–or your favorite season.  

~ Glenda (gj)  

@>--;--

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Record a CD

August29

Tip # 121 

  

What? You Don’t Sing?

OK, I’m not talking about making a musical recording. Oh, my. If I made a singing recording, all the trash in the landfill would scoot aside to get away from wherever the cd was thrown. No, I’m not talking about singing—unless you might be a good singer?  Now, that would be special.

 

from Clipart.com

Back to reality though for most of us. On some special evening that you “have plans” and know those plans won’t be interrupted, leave a cd in your spouse’s car with a little red bow tied around it or maybe a red rose taped to it. Oh, shoot, even some red heart stickers all over it would be a sign that it needs to be listened it.

In your most appealing voice that you can muster, talk about your plans for the evening. Maybe set a time and a place and maybe talk about what will take place.  

Your spouse will see it when getting into the car for work and will surely have the foresight to put it into the cd player to listen to on the way to work. Or, if possible, sneak it into the car when the spouse is at work so that it will be found on the way home.

Whichever way will work for you will be the best—and certainly be fun, enticing, and something to look forward to.

Don’t know how to make a cd? Most all computers come with software to make a cd. Just speak into your microphone when no one is around–maybe play some music in the background. . . .

(Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your comments or suggestions.) 

~ Glenda (gj)

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Dinner Parties

August28

Tip # 120   

It’s All about Taste—and Togetherness, Simple or Elegant  

 

from Clipart.com

Find two other couples to have dinner with once a month or at least every other month. If it’s impossible for the same three couples to make it each month, have a 4th couple as a reserve when one of the others can’t make it. 

It’s the most inviting if each couple cooks the entire meal when it’s their turn so that new things are always tried. If you focus on the word ‘dinner’ in the party, you can aim to have something completely new each month. It’s OK to try out new recipes for this night (though you might wish you hadn’t.)  

You don’t cook? Cooking is not that hard at all. There are books that make cooking terrifically easy. You don’t have to start with old issues from Bon Appétit magazine. Sometimes the most simple and basic food is best. And you probably don’t want to pair couples together who completely out rank each other in the cooking department—it might lead to hurt feelings.  

If all three couples want to decide a year at a time what each will serve, it gives you plenty of time to learn to make the dishes when it’s your turn.   

It’s especially appealing to go all the way and serve different dinnerware depending on the season of the year (from china to an outdoor dinner with plastic), after dinner coffee, and dessert of something very rich or as simple as fruit.  

If you have young teenage children, you can pay them to be your servers for the evening.  

       (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your story!) 

~ Glenda (gj) 

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Pretend You Are in Love

August25

Tip # 117

 

We’ve Been Married Too Long; It’s Just Not Fun Anymore 

 

from Clipart.com

Then do something about it! People expect life and relationships to fall into place without doing any work to make it happen. “Too many things going on so there’s never enough time to take care of everything.” That’s right. Then, one day leads to the next day and the next month and the next few years. All of a sudden you are two people living in the same house who have no interest in each other and very few feelings for one another.

That’s life. Your life is no different than any one else’s. Everyone is over committed.

So what can you do about it?

At least give your marriage, your relationship, and your focus on your spouse some thought. Huh? What’s thinking about your marriage got to do with anything?

Sometimes it’s virtually impossible to take the time needed to be together or to even plan time to be together. At times like these when jobs and kids and family takes 100% of your energy, think about your spouse and remind yourself of the things you used to love doing together. Think about the little things that make you smile. Think about things you’ll do together when you do have time. Think about how much you love your spouse even though you may not “feel” very loving lately. Your thoughts are as powerful as actions.

Don’t dwell on what you don’t have right now. Don’t allow yourself to think of negative irritations about your spouse—and all married couples have irritations with their spouses. Think about ways you can tell your spouse you love him or her. Apologize to your spouse that you don’t have more time.

Love can fade if not kept alive. If yours is fading, think about one thing you have loved about your spouse. Then, think about two things. Then, three, and on and on. It takes energy to keep love alive. Think about it and think about it some more.

   (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your opinion!)  

  ~ Glenda (gj)

 

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Get Rid of Junk

August19

   

Organize, De-clutter, Pitch It Out 

from Clipart.com

Work to get rid of those little, irritating things in life that constantly pop into your mind. (We’re never saying your spouse is that irritation to get rid of!) If there are cluttered areas in your home in which you dig through and can’t find what you’re looking for or have to spend 30 minutes to an hour or even 10 minutes looking for a needed item, those irritations are like cockleburs in your socks. 

 You say, “Nice suggestion, but who on earth has time for anything like that?” The moral of this story is that you are already spending the amount of time needed to do something about the situation every time you waste 10 minutes here, 30 minutes there, an hour or two or three of mental thoughts of angst about it.  

I’d begun to feel my house overpowered me instead of me having control of it. Why is that a bother? It made me grumpy and irritable every time I needed something and had to ransack several piles to find it.  Our house looked clean—that’s not a problem. Surface-wise, it stays clean. But, I have software and conference tapes numbering in the realm of way too high for me to count. I was storing these in 4+ different locations. I didn’t know what I had. 

I had a lot of decor for the house stored in several closets. 

We have enough books (good books, not ones to throw away) to stock a small library. Shoot, a small library is what we have. We can’t get rid of most of the books because we go back and reference something from a book or use it in some way. 

I knew all this was affecting my mood. So, during 5 months in 2009, I started eking out time for me to start going through every cabinet, closet, and cupboard, and garage shelf (the ones where I had things stored) to evaluate the best place and way to store things. I thought I lost my mind in this whole process, but little bit by little bit I began to see progress which enabled me to find bits of my sanity again—bit by bit. 

While “wasting” my time doing all this, I felt my life was passing before my eyes while I was focused on de-cluttering and re-organizing. Several times I thought about quitting. I hated to be using spare tidbits of time in this way, but in the long run, it certainly paid off.  

That was over a year ago, and after I got over the shock of spending important time to do that, I really have been thankful I did it. 

If you have areas in your life that seem cluttered, start doing something about it this week—or next, but do it. Honestly, you’ll be grateful you did and your relationship will thank you immensely. 

   (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your story! Everyone has a story.) 

 

~ Glenda (gj) 

www.GlendaSchoonmaker.com  

www.WhatWordsDoYouWear.com  

www.BoogsPuddifer.com 

www.365DaysOfFunInMarriage.com

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Tying a Man's Tie

August15

Tip # 107

 

And a Woman’s Bow 

We live in such a casual, laid-back town in the middle of the desert, that we rarely see anyone with a tie. The mode of dress here is shorts, flip-flops or sandals, and well, that’s how everyone dresses for almost everything! That style is even seen at weddings and funerals. 

 
 

from Clipart.com

However, if you live where the dress is a little more formal at least once in a while, it’s very romantic and enduring for the woman to be able to tie a man’s tie. It’s hard to imagine now, but I used to have blouses or dresses that would have long sashes that needed to be tied into a bow. Jack was always best at tying these for me. So, we dressed each other.

To picture this now almost seems like it came from a love scene in a movie, but that’s how we used to do it—back when the mode of dress was more than pull-on shorts and flip-flops for shoes.

              (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your opinion!) 

~ Glenda (gj)

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Purchase Something for Your Spouse

August11

from Clipart.com

Tip # 103 

 

Make It an Unexpected Surprise 

When you are out shopping together, every once in a blue moon, purchase something for your spouse that you know your spouse really wants but would never purchase.

It’s just one of those unexpected things in life that brings a smile of joy to your spouse. 

(For anyone who might wonder, this is Jack’s suggestion, not Glenda’s.)

             (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your story! Everyone has a story.)    

~ Glenda (gj)

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Legacy of Memories

August9

Tip # 101

 

Photos to Remember Yourselves

This is a wonderful time with cell phone cameras and digital cameras. Keeping up with updated photos has never been easier. Learn to use the timer on your digital camera to be able to take photos of yourselves in hundreds of different settings. If you don’t have a timer, then buy an adapter cord to be able to step away from your camera and still take your own photo.   

 

from Clipart.com

Professional photos in studios are wonderful, but there’s something unique about the casualness of the personal photos in various settings.  But, don’t be a person who has to take a photo of yourselves every time you step out the door. People around start getting gun-shy if they know you want a picture every time you do anything.

Also, if you read at least a little in photography books, you’ll be amazed at the improvement in your photo qualities.

Some people freeze up when their photo is taken. It shows when this happens. The person will always say, “I’m just not photogenic.”

You want to know how to make yourself photogenic? When you look at the camera, tell yourself you are smiling at a close friend. That camera sitting there is your best fried (other than your spouse). If you do this, you’ll be amazed at how much better you will look in your photos. Your facial muscles relax instead of being tense.

Also, a little tidbit: when you can, put something red in the photo—from a background image, something that someone is wearing, anything. For some reason, having something red in a photo always seems to make a photo more appealing. 

(Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear your story! Everyone has a story.) 

~ Glenda (gj)

cialis kaufen

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Are Married American Men Overworked?

August7

Tip # 99

 

That Honey-Do List Is Calling Your Name 

I had an interesting experience last week when I was talking to an on-line friend who is from Australia, but lives in Japan. I was chatting about my husband’s honey-do list—actually we were talking about my blog entry about gift certificates of time from last June. This Australian had no idea what I was talking about and had never heard the term “honey-do.” 

from Clipart.com

I don’t think there’s a single North American married man (or at least a married man living in the United States) that doesn’t know what a honey-do list is.

My own husband jokes that his honey-do list gives him job security in our marriage. However, we sometimes do things on the honey-do list together.

Here’s something to consider:

  • Would marriage be more fun with no honey-do lists at all?
  • Would marriage be more fun with honey-do lists that can be done together?

In our world I don’t see third or fourth options—well, couples might hire every single thing done, but rarely is that very practical.

Are there others who have different ideas about the proverbial honey-do lists?

To keep marriages fun, yet still take care of all those constant tasks of life, how do you handle this subject?

    (What do you think of honey-do lists? We’d love to hear your opinion!) 

 

~ Glenda (gj)

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Finishing Each Other's Sentences

July31

Tip # 92

 

Be Careful of This 
 

from Clipart.com

A bad habit some people get into when they know each other so well is to finish the other person’s sentence. This can seem quaint if the person is always right. However, it’s often more common in twins or best friends of the same gender to be able to finish the sentence correctly.  Friends of the same gender can begin to think so much alike that they can almost read the other person’s mind. 

In a successful marriage, this is dangerous territory. Men and women think differently. Finishing anyone else’s sentence is often seen as rude and disrespectful–besides causing stress for the person speaking. So be very careful about this. It’s also a form of interrupting.

More than likely your spouse does not like it when you do this. 

   (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear what you have to say!) 

 ~ Glenda  (gj) 

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Smooching 101

July27

Tip # 88

 

Birds and the Bees  

 
 

from Clipart.com

Smooching is everywhere. Birds tap their bills together, but we’re not sure about bees. That information comes from Helen E. Fisher, PhD biological anthropologist. She’s a Research Professor in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University and has written a number of books, but the study of romantic love is her specialty.  

“All kinds of animals kiss,” says Fisher. “Insects will stroke each other with a leg, or stroke another’s abdomen. Even turtles, moles, and cats rub noses. Dogs lick each other’s faces. Elephants put their trunks in another elephant’s mouth.”    

“Kissing helps your state of mind,” she adds. “Infatuation can be perfectly divine. If you’re madly in love with somebody, it’s perfectly wonderful to kiss them. It creates incredible intimacy. It boosts self-esteem. It’s wonderful to be kissed by somebody.”   

I think of smooching as those tender, repeated, little pecks over and over. The famed movie director, Alfred Hitchcock, in the 1940’s through ’60’s often had his characters embrace with repeated little smooches over and over as the camera made it seem as if the whole room swirled around them. The scenes were more than alluring. You get the idea.  

Probably one of the first movie kisses many remember even as children is of a couple dining at an Italian restaurant sharing a bowl of spaghetti. It doesn’t appear they are aware of it, but each has a hold on the same strand of spaghetti until the dear Tramp and the elegant Lady’s noses meet. . .and they kiss. Who could forget that memorable scene in Disney’s Lady and the Tramp?  

You’ve tried those long movie kisses, now create a new record of how long you can share little smooches–after the kids are tucked in.   

   (Please leave a comment. We’d love to hear what you think!) 

~ Glenda  (gj) 

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