365 Days of Fun in Marriage

No more boring marriage! Try 365 for communication and ideas to add fun to everyday life.

Look into My Eyes


Tip 278

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What Are You Looking At?

Do you remember the times when you were dating, when things were fun? That may be decades ago for some people, but can you remember those days? Can you put yourself in a time warp and feel what it was like back then—even if it was only 5 years ago?

When you talked with your not-yet spouse, what did you do? I mean, when you were talking. Did your eyes lock on this person whom you loved more than anyone in the whole world?

Did you passionately talk with each other as you were busy making a to-do list, getting your school or work assignments done, or people watch like when you are sitting on a bench in the mall?

I have a feeling you weren’t people watching. You weren’t making to-do lists or grocery lists. You probably rushed with your assignments so that you could devote complete attention to your not-yet mate.

How did you look at your mate, I mean, person you were going out with? Did you lean in with attention focused on this love of your life? Did you hold hands as you talked? Were you aware of no one else around because this other person had your undivided attention?

As life takes over in marriages, our mates can become just one of the things to take care of on our to-do list. We lose that fun in marriage because we let the institution of marriage take over: work, obligations, soccer practice, house cleaning, getting the dog to the vet, shoveling the snow off the drive.

We lose that spark when talking. Sure, marriage is not about the same feelings as pre-marriage, but marriage doesn’t have to become dull, boring, and ho-hum. There’s still fun in marriage for decades.

Spouses want to feel you care about them more than anything else. One of the best ways to show your marriage partner you love him or her is to make eye contact. No, you don’t stare like you are in a power struggle. Eye contact is not staring.

Don’t stare at the ceiling when you talk. Don’t rivet to the TV when you talk.

Make eye contact with the other person for several seconds. Let your eyes meet like you are really seeing the other person on the inside–like you really care.

What do you think? Can you suggest ways for people to regain that eye contact that used to be so important when you fell in love?

~ Glenda (gj)

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    Do you have a boring, dull, ho-hum marriage, or a FUN marriage? 365 has ways to add fun into your marriage. Some ways are simple; some are outlandish; some are easy, some are . . . well, check it out.