365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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Too Angry for Words


Tip 269

When You Want to Lash Out

I think it’s safe to say that in all marriages there’s at least one time when one partner is so angry with the other that he or she wants to lash out verbally with every negative thing possible.

from Clipart.com

It is good to talk things out and to work out problems, but when you are angry is not the time. Your emotions are too high and your sense of reason isn’t balanced.

This may not work every time, but try this exercise sometime if you get into a situation where your anger is over-the-top.

Take out a blank sheet of paper and draw lines to divide the paper into fourths (one line down the middle, one line across the middle).

Label these four sections:

  • spouse’s bad qualities
  • my good qualities
  • my bad qualities
  • spouse’s good qualities

Then start filling out what comes to mind in these four squares. More than likely, the way you feel like filling out the paper is in the order that the above list is written. However, that’s the opposite of what you do.

Start filling out the squares in this order:

  1. spouse’s good qualities
  2. my bad qualities

Well, I’m not sure after the above two squares are completed which you should fill out, because by the time I filled out Number 1 list, I never had to fill out the whole paper.

This exercise certainly doesn’t change the situation of what you are angry about, but what it does is cool your emotions so that you can communicate and work out the problem in a level-headed way.

To have fun in marriage, problems can’t be swept aside as if they didn’t exist. They do need to be worked through in the best way possible. When you are angry and not in control of your emotions, there is too much chance of saying words that can never be taken back.

These angry times often come more during early marriage before you’ve learned to work out everyday situations, so you don’t want to utter something you’ll look back on with regret years later.

What do you think? What tips do you have for getting through an angry situation?

~ Glenda (gj)

posted under relationships

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