365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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When Did You Last Touch?


Tip 198

Feel Your Spouse’s Skin

It’s easy to get so wrapped in your own activities of the day that couples literally never touch each other—except maybe when they bump into each other going down a hallway.


Make note to touch a couple of times per day—at a minimum. Touches can be hugging; resting a hand on your spouse’s knee, arm, cheek, shoulder; snuggling on a sofa together; touching knee to knee at the dinner table, feeling of your spouse’s hair. . . . Cradle arm and arm when walking.

Some people will definitely say, “But I’m not a touch-er” or “my spouse doesn’t like touching.” I know a lot of people who don’t particularly like being touched. So what? We’re talking husband and wife here. Husbands and wives need to learn to enjoy being touched by their mate. I’m betting that when a few of these non-touching mates were dating, they weren’t standoffish about having their future mate rest a hand on an arm or knee or shoulder.

I’ll never forget when we were walking down a sidewalk a few days after we got married. A stranger walked past us and said, “I bet you’re on your honeymoon.” I was shocked. I remember asking Jack how this total stranger could tell we were on our honeymoon. I thought we were just walking casually down a sidewalk.

People get too busy for touching each other. It appears that sometimes the few seconds for a hug or pat or sitting close takes too much from busy schedules.

Many people have touch as their Love Language. (Read that book if you haven’t.) I’ll admit, my husband is the one who reaches for the hugs in the mornings when we’re standing at the coffee pot waiting for it to finish. I also have to remember that Jack’s Love Language is touching yet mine’s not (mine’s time). Maybe I’m not in the mood for a hug–I want my coffee! Yet, especially knowing that Jack likes touching more than I do, I hug him back, then I have my coffee.

Sometimes I try to remember to hug him first because hugging is especially important to him. Remember? Yes, for us who don’t have touch as a love language, we have to be reminded that touching makes people feel closer. Making physical contact with your spouse should give a feeling of warmth and solidarity and oneness-and it does, if you let it.

Seems strange we have to remind people to touch—it seems like it would be natural, but in our culture lives get so hectic that people have to be reminded to stop and feel the presence of the other person.

~ Glenda (gj)

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