365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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When You Feel Irritated

October6
  • Tip # 159
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You May Be Making Things Worse  

When you feel irritated by your spouse and you want to say something to him or her, don’t start your sentences with “you,” such as “You never do such and such,” “You always do such and such,” “You don’t such and such,” et cetera. 

To start your comments with the word “you” points total blame on the other person. Starting this way has the speaker accepting no responsibility for whatever has happened.  

To help ease the verbal situation you should begin with comments, “I feel like you don’t do such and such,” et cetera. The onus in the conversation is on the person saying “I feel.” It helps neutralize or soften the communication. It helps the hearer to realize that maybe things aren’t transpiring exactly as thought and it opens another side to look at.  

By the way, another huge thing to watch out for when you are conversing about touchy subjects: get rid of absolute words like never and always.

What do you and your spouse do in conversation that irritate each other? You can tell us below–you might help others with your comments.

~ Glenda (gj)     

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