365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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Analyze Where or Why the Problem

September29
  • Tip # 152

When Things Aren’t Good 

Most couples do have bad days in their marriage. However, those bad days can lead to bad weeks and bad months if you aren’t careful. Maybe the cause is what’s going on in life; maybe it’s hormones; maybe it’s lack of time. Your marriage can seem completely wrong—like it’s going nowhere.  

Sometimes it’s simply a case of marriage assumptions that you’ve witnessed in your own parents but are alien to your spouse. Or maybe you’ve witnessed things in friends’ marriages that you don’t have between you.  

If you stop to analyze where or why the problems are happening, it’s usually because of finances, problems with in-laws or parents, or other major issues. Instead of realizing it’s those major events causing the problems, it’s easy to think instead that your marriage was a mistake. 

If you aren’t good at talking through your problems, try sitting down together with pencil and paper. Draw a line down the middle of the paper and write these headings on each side, “things that have been right about our marriage in the past” and on the other side, “things that aren’t working in our marriage.” 

You can do this separately at first or do it together.

 This exercise puts your marriage more visually where you can both see it in black and white instead of it being in your own, individual minds. By going through the positives and negatives, you may be able to see that the issues you are facing are actually other issues which are taking your focus. You may find you have more good things going on than you realized.  

Agree to work to enhance those good things and to put into proper perspective the things that aren’t going well. 

What do you do to work out your problems?

~ Glenda (gj)  

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