365 Days of Fun in Marriage

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Funny Quotes

July3

Tip # 64

 

An Institution that’s Easy to Poke Fun At

Have a good laugh.

Be grateful none of these things applies to YOUR marriage. . . .

  • “It destroys one’s nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.” – Benjamin Disraeli
  • “Women don’t want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.”  – Bill Cosby  
  • “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” – Anthony Burgess  
  • “Adam & Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married… and she didn’t have to hear about how well his mother cooked.”  – Anonymous  
  • “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein 
  • “I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.”  – Lord Byron
  • “Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. ” – Henny Youngman & George Burns
  • “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.”- David Bissonette
  • “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.” – Ogden Nash
  • “Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
    After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.”    – Anonymous
  • “I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.” – Henny Youngman
  • “There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.”  – Clint Eastwood
  • “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
  • “If you really want your spouse to listen to you, talk in your sleep…”  – Anonymous
  • “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” – Groucho Marx
  • “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” – Barbra Streisand
  • “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” – H.V. Prochnow
  • “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” – Max Kauffmann
  • “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” – Milton Berle
  • “It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” -Robert Frost
  • “Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.” – Anonymous
  • “I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.” – Marie Corelli
  • “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Anne Bancroft 
  • “When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
  • “They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” – Mae West 
  • “The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.”  – Oscar Wilde
  • “My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.” – Anonymous

~ Glenda   (gj)

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